Quindley & Fluff are two villages separated by a peat bog in the ceremonial county of ——–, England. At the last census the population was found to be wanting.
The twin villages are most famous for being the birthplace of ‘Jerry-Wangling’, the sport described by Jonathan Swift as ‘gangrenous yet whimsical’, and also for it’s famous stone circle. Indeed, the Fluff Stone Circle is unique as it is perhaps the only example in the world of a stone circle that is neither made of stone nor circular in shape. Local historian Kev the Builder claims that the monument is an ancient bronze age tor. However, academics doubt this assessment, primarily due to the circle consisting mostly of asbestos.
Asbestos relic/sample from Fluff Stone Circle
Both villages date back to the Domesday book. The translated inventory for Quindley lists the following details:
“400 head of cattle, 17 goats, 42 sheep, 1 dog, mostly illiterate.”
“The people meet bi-weekly for the ‘meetings of the charlies and charlers’, qualification being: bipedal.”
“Eorl Squit of Cummunjoumbly primary landowner- under-endowed but lucid.”
“Unholy smells abound within Parish boundaries- Best Left Undisturbed.”
Fluff is given the briefest of mentions:
“Hither and thither they wander- yet not a roof amongst them! Best Left Undisturbed.”
Despite a millenium of history, the only event of note to have happened here was the Anglo-Samoan Incident of 1832. This was the 13 hour war decided by a game of touch-snooker upon the Quindley village green with King William scoring the decisive points, although eyewitnesses claimed that he had “cheated like a routemaster bus.”
In 2003 the government decided that the separate parishes of Quindley and Fluff should be privatised, and a merger was carried out forthwith. However, residents considered the new parish name of ‘QuindleyFluff’ as ridiculous and so, following weeks of rioting, a compromise was reached when the local unitary authority installed a hyphen between the two words.
It is important to note, however, that Quindley and Fluff are both still separate villages, despite sharing a parliamentary seat, parish, unitary authority and Jerry-Wangling team.
Sport:
Football: No
Rugby: The Quindley Cockahoops
Touch Snooker: The King Bill Commemorative Routemaster Wanderers XV
Cricket: Fluff CC, Quindley Charlies CC
Ice Hockey: The Quindley-Fluff Racialists
References in popular culture: “Fluff Enuff For Ya?” by Phallatio Jazzy Dj Woozle Mama
Words: KPD
©The Quindley-Fluff Frontiersman 2008
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