05/02/2009
The Sun
“British Jobs for Italian Workers” says Berlusconi
Racist Daschund Elected to KCC
“Oi Oi Boys, Just ‘an ‘Alf”
The Daily Mail
EU to Annex Moon
Immigrants Return UK Oxygen
Goverment Report Claims Paper is Genderless
The Times:
Michael Palin Vows to Return Gingerbread in Face of Irish Hostility
Inset: Vote for your top 10 tropical diseases
Argentina Missing Again.
The Telegraph
Rhubarbrhubarbrhubarb The Duchess of Cornwall
Celia Walden’s “How to Dress for Less than Ghana’s GDP- Twice!”
Telegraph NOT at Least 80% Tabloid
Mandelson “Strangled Red Telephone Boxes”
The Guardian:
L tt r ‘ ‘ stol n from Guardian typs tting machin
“Liberals Have Better Sex” – This Paper
Balanced Reporting or Your Filthy Capitalist Currency Back
Horn Rimmed Spectacles “Alleviate HN51 Risks”
The Mirror
Gay Man Watches The One Show
“Chris Moyles, He’s a Right Porker!” Sudoku Challenge Pullout
‘Ows Yer Farver Guv?
The Observer:
Lucozade Criticised for Second Ben Hecht Exhumation
Welsh Electrician Clones Freddie Mercury
“Idle Gravity” Blamed As 11 British Backpackers Fall Off Australia
Norman Lamont Stable After Eyebrow Smothering
15/11/2008
A quick glance at tomorrows papers…
The Sun’s Headlines:
“80% of Dogs Most Likely Racist” says Kent County Council
“Incorrect Over-Capitalisation Of All Words Including Conjunctives In Headlines Not True, Says News International”
“Cor, Look At Them. They’re HUGE!” – Royal Gaffe
The Mirror:
Gordon Brown DID Save The World
This headline is regarding the incident in 1982 when a young Gordon Brown strangled Hitler’s Ghost.
“No Compensation For Tebbits Gardner” – Will Young
“Bring Back Hanging” say Greens
The Times:
“Mandelson’s Night-Terrors Not Contagious” – Peter Mandelson
Pigeon Not Involved In De Menezes Case Shock
Pope ’80% 7up’ says Royal Commission
The Telegraph:
Simon Heffer Explodes – Twice
This is about Simon Heffer exploding twice.
Talking Wasp Now Heroin Addict – Winehouse & Boyfriend Implicated
Photograph of Queen Victoria Eats Stranraer
The Daily Mail
Queen ‘Literally Strangled’ Diana Driver
Immigrants Steal UK Oxygen
Equestrian Event Cancelled – Princess Beatrice In Counselling
The Scotsman:
Alec Salmond Punches Stirling Castle
Leaf ‘Not Terrorist’ Bungle
“Welsh Noses NOT Chief Cause Of Cancer” Says John Reid
Sky News has also informed us as to what next weeks news shall be:
Britain will join the Euro, but then forget and return to sterling by accident.
Hate campaign against man gathers pace.
Credit Crunch property of CS Lewis.
John Major abducts Noam Chomsky over Steinbeck criticism. “Kerouac is another matter” says former PM.
Newsfacts Out.
